In the last few days I have been reading some stories from people who have actively decided that being a parent is not for them. I applaud them for being so honest because sometimes telling the world that you don’t want to have children seems akin to saying you’re against waking up in the morning.
Well, here is my take.
Bringing up a child in this world is a major responsibility and I am just not ready for that. I am in my early to mid thirties but still I don’t think that what I can give a child is fair. Why? Well, I’m not settled with anyone I could call their father and believe me, I’d want to be settled because a positive input from a father is, in my opinion, quite essential.
At thirty-odd years old I have seen and been through a lot with friends and family. A lot of it is heartache because of children. Some of it is not being allowed to see children because of splits. That does upset me. Recently a friend won a very long court battle to just visit his children a few hours a week. Sadly I know that his ex only stopped him from seeing his children in the first place because of his new relationship. It took court to sort that out. It’s such a very odd situation. I actually want to take that girl and throw her into the situation of another friend, who she actually knows! My friend L who has baby twins to M who is in Afghanistan at the moment and who is due home on R&R soon. M only saw his little babes for a short time before heading back to Afghanistan.
L would love nothing more than for M to see his babies every day and for to be in their lives. Compare that with a selfish girl who couldn’t understand that her children’s dad had moved on and felt so jealous that she decided to try (unsuccessfully) to block him from their lives. A totally unjustified move. Waken up.
That aside, I just have no interest in being responsible for another. I have been in the position in the past where it was going to be possible but the forces that are nature decided otherwise and it didn’t happen so I continue along that path.
Do I say no to being a parent in the future? Absolutely not.
Let’s also take the majority of friends who couldn’t wait to get back to work after the birth of their child. I don’t quite get that. You have a child, surely you want to spend the most amount of time with them that you can? You are their role model into life. I read and listen to “only a few weeks until back to normality” after child birth and I think “why have a baby?”
Am I wrong in that?
If I am, please tell me why.
I know fathers that have “decided” that being a dad won’t prevent them from clubbing, golfing, boozing at the weekend. And they don’t. Sadly.
I don’t want children because, at the moment, I don’t want them. I don’t have anyone who would want to create them with me and spend the next few decades building a life for them. I have no desire to bring little babies into the world without a proper mother and father relationship to raise and guide them.Is that wrong?
Or is society about to tell me that I better get at it because I’m mid-thirties and time is running out?
What if I never want children?