A Safe Place

Most people with anxiety have a “safe place”.  If you know a person with anxiety and you ask them if they have a safe place they will likely say yes.

As part of a group last year we spoke of a safe place and most of the people in the group had one and it was the same place.

The bedroom.

Why would a bedroom be a safe place? Well, for me then it’s a place I relax.  In my bedroom I have everything I need to push the rest of the world away.  I have my TV, my DVD player, it’s where I keep my laptop and chargers for my iPad and iPhone.  I have all my books and magazines.  It’s my little nest and when I feel like shit, it’s where I go.

Yes, the living room has a TV, a Tivo box, a DVD player but it’s a social room.  The bedroom is a private place where people can only come if they knock and I permit them in.

In my bedroom I can curl up on my bed and shut my eyes and just relax and be me and no one expects anything from me.

Being able to curl up on my own bed, sometimes with something that relaxes me, is heaven to me.  When my stomach is tied up in anxiety and my arms have gone dead and my brain doesn’t know what it’s doing, being in my bed allows me to relax.  The world can’t get me.  As much as it tries.

It does try.  An issue at work will be on my mind.  Or a relationship issue.  I’ll be in town with my heart beating hard, a sweat forming, involuntary shaking, a general anxiety attack going on.  It wants to break me.  It wants me to collapse. Nothing to do with why I am in town.  Anxiety will try its hardest to make me ill and I will fight it at every turn.

Yet I give into it, I leave town and think about my Safe Place because I know that when I get there I’ll be fine. Why do I give into it? Because I am exhausted by it.  Anxiety is exhausting and NO ONE can sympathise with it unless they suffer it.  It’s tiring.  Very tiring.  They can say they know how it is but they CANNOT know how it is because they don’t suffer it.

I’m currently in my safe place.  It feels great.  My bed is amazing.  I am watching a football documentary.  Everything around me are things that I want to keep me feeling safe.  I am in a cosy corner of my cosy room.

My anxiety has been at height on Thursday.  Mostly because I have had to dedicate my day to dealing with things that I shouldn’t have to be dealing with involving anxiety and panic attacks.

In time I will change how companies treat their employees with mental health issues.  I know it.

Until then, be happy with your safe place and don’t let anyone change that.