Living on my own: The Moth…

As my reader will know, I have been living on my own for, well, two and a half years now.  For the most part I really like it.  I can watch what I want on the TV, or I can listen to the radio any time day or night (I like talk radio stations during the night).  I can read without getting interrupted and can work the same as well.  Though, not at the moment because Scottish Gas are working outside and slightly driving me round the bend.

It’s also meant other things, like remembering what day which bins should go out, doing the dishes (I hate doing the dishes and I mean with a passion), taking the washing from the machine and hanging it up myself.  It’s an extra pat on the back if I actually take it outside and put it on the washing line.

I also have to change the fecking bed on my own.  I couldn’t print the words that come out my mouth when I’m doing that.

Anyway, one of the biggest things I’ve had to get used to is dealing with bugs that have come in when they should be outside.  There is no one else to deal with this, it’s just me.  I think in the last two and a half years I have become pretty good at dealing with them.

Spiders, well, I just leave them now.  Scuttling across the living room, they’ve obviously got a plan in mind and who I am I to stop them.  If I do catch them I launch them out the window.  I’m sure they survive.  If they’re not plucked out the air by a passing bird, of course.

I’ve dealt with wasps (kill them) and bees.  I love bees.  I found one buzzing about in my bedroom window last summer.  I used to run around screaming at that.  And I do mean screaming.  However, the more mature me decided not to do that.  Mostly because there was no-one else was there to help me.

I saw the bee was tired.  So, I got a little plastic dish and a cotton bud.  I wet both ends and dipped them in sugar, then I went back to bedroom.  The bee was now just sitting on my window sill, so I slid it into the dish, opened the window wide and sat it on the ledge outside.  I watched it for a bit and the bee started to nibble on the sugar and water, recharged itself and flew away when ready.

However, there is one things I haven’t had to deal with until a few days ago.  The title of the blog may give you a clue.

A few nights ago it was really warm.  I live on a main road so having the living room window open means I can’t hear the television.  So, I opened the bathroom window and left the doors open so there would be a through breeze, it worked!

The light went outside so I closed my curtains and put my lamps on.  There was a nice breeze blowing through from the bathroom making the living room nice and cool.  I sat on my sofa and settled to watch the television again.  I got quite into what I was watching, not that I can remember what it was now.

I more heard it than saw it at first.  A thud then it appeared in my side vision.  A zeppelin.  Big, giant, furry, bomber, psycho moth.

Nope, I thought, you are not staying.  I’ve had tiny moths come in at times, they’re mostly dead in the up-lighter now.  This big bastard was not even going to get the chance to get to the up-lighter.  Not a chance.

Now, when I catch a bee I usually just use a glass and a bit thin cardboard or even a piece of paper.  It works, the bee is calm, I open the window, set the bee free and life goes on.  (Unless they get caught midair by a passing bird).

Fighter Moth 1000 wasn’t so ready for that.  I chased him up and down the curtains, his wings battering off the material making a noise.  Hopefully not calling for the moth air force.  ‘Get in the bloody GLASS!’ Said I.

Eventually I caught the git.  I slid a piece of paper over the top of the glass and went to open the living room window to let it out.  This would involve the use of one hand and radge moth was banging about in the glass and trying to batter away at the bit paper.  The minute I took my thumb off the paper it was battering into it and I was determined it was not going to fly about the upper villa a moment longer.

My living room window is temperamental though and sometimes needs two hands.  Of course, this was one of these occasions.   Well, I couldn’t take a second hand off the paper holding Moth the Merciless because he’d get out. I spent long enough and missed half a programme already.

I’ll have to go to the front door! So, I headed out into the hall, holding the glass in one hand and the paper over it with the other.  It was about this point I regretted not using a pint glass, but a short glass instead.

Hall light on with elbow and stair light as well.  Glass door opened with elbow, gingerly down the stairs.  Now, I can open the front door with one hand.  So, I put my thumb across the paper and held it on while I unlocked the door (I had locked up for the night so this further annoyed me).  I flicked off the stair light because I didn’t want moth face coming back in.  I opened the door and set him into the night, then quickly closed the door.  The battle was over.

I just hope the war hasn’t begun.

It will have.  Flappy gits, evil cousins of the butterfly.  Don’t look at the light!